Good news, comedy lovers: Today it became clear Stephen Colbert won't be leaving The Colbert Report and heading to Washington to be a U.S. senator from South Carolina.
That's the way to spin the entirely absurd episode about South Carolina native Colbert's "campaign" to persuade Gov. Nikki Haley to appoint him to replace the departing senator, Jim DeMint. Instead, today she appointed someone else.
Colbert's campaign was so under the radar that Colbert himself knew nothing about it, or so he said on his Comedy Central show.
"Now folks, I'm not going to sit here and say I should be South Carolina's next senator," Colbert told his audience. "Not when so many other people are saying it for me."
Actually, it was a few thousand tweeters who were saying it after a Twitter account with the handle @ColbertforSC appeared in the wake of DeMint's announcement he was ducking out.
Haley took the tongue-in-cheek campaign in the spirit in which it was intended, posting on her Facebook page that "my friend" Colbert was out of the running because his "big, big mistake" was not knowing the state drink is milk (Really?) when she appeared on his show.
Today, as NBC and a host of other media reported, Haley announced she was appointing South Carolina Rep. Tim Scott, a conservative Republican like DeMint, to fill the seat, making him the first black Republican senator from the Deep South since Reconstruction. By contrast, Colbert only plays a conservative Republican on TV, and he's pretty pale.
Never fear, Colbert, your friends in Charleston posted an open letter of consolation, noting you're vastly overqualified anyway.
"Here at the Charleston Office of the Truthiness Research Institute for a Greater Tomorrow's Tomorrow, we've analyzed your Senate campaign, and saw that while you had great use of social media you failed to call upon the help of your native city, Charleston," read the letter from a group of city boosters with a sense of satire.
Now they're working to persuade Colbert to run for Scott's now-empty congressional seat.